the conflict within

I hate coupons

My mother would clip coupons and then run to the store and buy all kinds of crapola we never used or needed or (in some cases) even knew existed. But by God we’re gonna have 4 gallons of olives that no one will eat for 25 cents less than the next silly bastard. The advanced mathematical concept of spending 8 bucks on something we can’t possibly use just so we can throw it away spend 25 cents less than someone who may actually need it was completely foreign to her. Having it explained by a 6 year old just means I need my mouth washed out with soap for giving her lip. Chewing up a few bars of soap to prove my point, while waving the coupon for 2 for1 soap in her face … well ok that is probably over the line….Maybe if I had issued a friggin’ coupon for 25 cents off some damn math classes life would have been easier for me.  Alas, hindsight and all that… If I only knew then what I know now … etc etc.

I went to college and spent some time in the barracks when I was in the military so I make a single exception to the coupon avoidance rule:  Pizza. 1 exception to the rule. That is all.

I won’t use coupons to line a litter box. Will NOT use them. Not with green eggs and ham (half off on Tuesday). Not on a log or with a dog. I will not use them. Ever. Carved in stone.


Today I got an email coupon for reduced admission to the gun show……

I hope they have pizza

Posted on September 23, 2010, in parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Coupon clipping is like art….

    You may not know art, but you know what you like.

    Pizza, gun show, it’s your call.

    But I completely agree that some women buy stuff just to throw it out.

  2. ADDED, and some men too!

  3. Best laugh of the day, probably will be the best one of the week. (I well remember brown soap moutwash and coupons too.) That was a great nostalgic and amusing piece. Thanks…

  4. A man has got to have some standards.

    Does it allow for a guest at the same price??

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