word of the month

despondent

there is too much to even really complain about

top 3

every day the sun has been out the last few weeks, I’ve been sick. Apparently I’m not on the invite list for the Ark this time around either.

The local fire ant guild has been building a secret base on top of the master water valve. Not a big issue unless someone in the house feels the need to f–k with the broken faucet and switch it from broken and off to broken and on. Horizontal jets of water, flooded bathrooms and ant bites, oh my.  Oh yeah, the meter box where the valve is located has filled up with mud and sludge and worm poop because of all the rain.. so you get to enjoy the prone firing position while you dig in the secret ant base with a small garden trowel to find the valve …. while the bathroom fills up with water and the ants enjoy what must amount to a bountiful harvest.. healing up nicely tyvm, I enjoy the itching scratching and oozing.

Phone shopping:  The gent at the Apple store overcharged me (by approx $550) on the last iPhone purchase (#7 was smashed in a fit of rage when the gps quit working 75 miles from home). I managed to find a source for the correct price, and I convinced them that YES DAMMIT they would give me the correct price and credit the overage to my card,  but the BubbaGumpApple rep couldn’t work the paperwork for anything but a full refund. I took the money (in the form of a CC refund, which I haven’t seen yet) and left #8 at the store. No longer an Apple customer. I probably shouldn’t be pissed about a full refund but I am.  Maybe it has something to do with turning off the phone service to the house last week and telling everyone to call my cell # instead …..or spending 75 bucks 3 days ago on the extended warranty for the phone I don’t have anymore or the $$ I burned on apps I can’t use anymore…. or the lack of ice cream in the freezer

huh … whaddya know … I CAN complain about it ….

if you’d like the rest of the top 10 you can gimme a call….DOH!, nvm ..

wildlife menu

what do the critturs here in Texas eat when they can’t get cornfed yankee?

there’s more creeping, crawling, flying, jumping, biting stinging stuff here than I’ve ever seen before. It’s like a Stephen King novel in my backyard.

one of the ‘little’ red ants tried to bite my foot off and when I stomped him his whole family crawled in my shoe.

Just FYI .. sitting down on the neighboring anthill to remove your shoe .. not a good plan. No matter how bad your foot hurts do not let the ants ‘trade up’. Dancing on the anthill wishing you hadn’t gotten out of bed that morning is not really any improvement on an already bad plan. Trying to spontaneously develop the ability to levitate in order to take off your drawers without putting a foot on the ground … not a good backup plan. I suspect they’re called fire-ants because dousing yourself with gasoline and lighting yourself on fire is the only way to get the little buggers off. kerosene maybe.

I wonder if you can cross an anteater with a rhino….

I can’t take fruit off a tree out here without half the countryside taking a bite out of me… makes me all warm and fuzzy to think about the poor bastard from DC that will get tasked with putzing around Texas to take the guns off the people. There’s a gecko on the wall outside that’ll have him for lunch.

where the long grass grows

[the mulligan mobile stops at tool store to info gather on pushmowers]
I spy a ‘reduced’ sign leaning against some mowers on the front walk.

hmm… excuse me NameTag, whats the deal on that [insert brand] mower?

which one?

[point with finger] that one (apparently pointing is better than labeling for the ‘functional’ illiterate — there is only 1 [insert brand] mower in the display).

that’s a return

oh (this explains the grass and dust paint job)

has it been refurbished? did they go through it? is it all there? what’s wrong with it? do you know why they returned it?

uh, some little old lady brought it back. She says it runs ok. She doesn’t need it anymore. Yeah they went through it. No its not refurbed.

(little old lady? wtf ? where am I? Mayberry? she only mowed on sundays?)

how much? what’s the discount on it? what’s the price on a new one?

huh? (blink blink)  (BAM!! truck runs right into the deer)

there’s no price on it .. just this tag with a name .. see ? … is it sold already?

huh? oh… I don’t know ( no really? ya think? ) let’s find someone from lawn n garden to help you…

(right on! this guy has potential!)

sigh

plod plod plod

hi, I’m Lawna Garden can I help you?

yeah hi, I’m trying to run down some info on one of your returns in the display out front.

which one? (ok that one’s on me.. shoulda seen it coming)

the [instert brand]

oh that one!!

yeah is it sold or what?

oh no.. it just came in (cool.. that’s fresh grass n dust all over it then)

is it complete? runs ok? is it still under warranty?

oh yes it’s all there. it runs fine. yes it’s under warranty 2 yrs I think, and you can get it extended for a year if you want.

do you service ‘em here? on site?

oh yes we send them out for repair if there is a problem and replace it if we can’t fix it.

(send them out on site? that might make sense after a few beers … I’ll let it ride for now)

how much? what’s the discount? how much is the extended warranty?

oh it’s $xxx.xx… they can take care of you at customer service for the warranty. Here you go.

sigh

plod plod plod

Hi I’m Service Rep can I help you

Yep, I’m looking at one of the returned mowers on sale outside in the display. Here’s the tag for it. I got it from Lawna Garden.

which one?

(that didn’t just happen)

the [insert brand] (there’s a sharp pain in my head now)

oh that one.. that just came in

yeah here’s the tag, I’m told its complete, in running condition, has a 2 yr manufacturer’s warranty still and I can extend that another year.

that’s right

ok fine .. how much is the extra warranty?

lets see .. beepbeepboopbeepboop … what’s your phone number? ok .. that will be $xx.xx.

(christ I shoulda packed a lunch– what day is it now ?)

ok if I buy it can you get someone to load it for me? I have a bad back.

sure no problem

sigh

time passes – week 2

so far we have 2 missing parts which still haven’t been ordered and the manufacturers warranty is only 1 year instead of 2 (disappointing but not unexpected). The giant tool store seems to not be able to smoothly deal with part ordering and while the manufacturer is willing to send me the parts for a lot of extra money (its cheaper if you’re a distributor) I still haven’t even started the thing.

hell with it … I like tall grass

update: returned mower to giant tool store.

Followed up with the only guy that can allegedly order parts:

the parts STILL weren’t ordered,
he expected me to order them myself and failed to mention it
he has a wee bit of an attitude about even reimbursing me

I looked at my service agreement and decided I don’t want to go through this every time the mower needs service over the next 2 years.

Never even pulled the rope… wonder if it actually starts ….. enjoyed my chat with the giant tool store manager about my experiences and didn’t even yell.