OJT

i wonder how many hours i have to clock on the phone to tech support  before i can get college credit for being bi-lingual

word of the month

despondent

there is too much to even really complain about

top 3

every day the sun has been out the last few weeks, I’ve been sick. Apparently I’m not on the invite list for the Ark this time around either.

The local fire ant guild has been building a secret base on top of the master water valve. Not a big issue unless someone in the house feels the need to f–k with the broken faucet and switch it from broken and off to broken and on. Horizontal jets of water, flooded bathrooms and ant bites, oh my.  Oh yeah, the meter box where the valve is located has filled up with mud and sludge and worm poop because of all the rain.. so you get to enjoy the prone firing position while you dig in the secret ant base with a small garden trowel to find the valve …. while the bathroom fills up with water and the ants enjoy what must amount to a bountiful harvest.. healing up nicely tyvm, I enjoy the itching scratching and oozing.

Phone shopping:  The gent at the Apple store overcharged me (by approx $550) on the last iPhone purchase (#7 was smashed in a fit of rage when the gps quit working 75 miles from home). I managed to find a source for the correct price, and I convinced them that YES DAMMIT they would give me the correct price and credit the overage to my card,  but the BubbaGumpApple rep couldn’t work the paperwork for anything but a full refund. I took the money (in the form of a CC refund, which I haven’t seen yet) and left #8 at the store. No longer an Apple customer. I probably shouldn’t be pissed about a full refund but I am.  Maybe it has something to do with turning off the phone service to the house last week and telling everyone to call my cell # instead …..or spending 75 bucks 3 days ago on the extended warranty for the phone I don’t have anymore or the $$ I burned on apps I can’t use anymore…. or the lack of ice cream in the freezer

huh … whaddya know … I CAN complain about it ….

if you’d like the rest of the top 10 you can gimme a call….DOH!, nvm ..

where the long grass grows

[the mulligan mobile stops at tool store to info gather on pushmowers]
I spy a ‘reduced’ sign leaning against some mowers on the front walk.

hmm… excuse me NameTag, whats the deal on that [insert brand] mower?

which one?

[point with finger] that one (apparently pointing is better than labeling for the ‘functional’ illiterate — there is only 1 [insert brand] mower in the display).

that’s a return

oh (this explains the grass and dust paint job)

has it been refurbished? did they go through it? is it all there? what’s wrong with it? do you know why they returned it?

uh, some little old lady brought it back. She says it runs ok. She doesn’t need it anymore. Yeah they went through it. No its not refurbed.

(little old lady? wtf ? where am I? Mayberry? she only mowed on sundays?)

how much? what’s the discount on it? what’s the price on a new one?

huh? (blink blink)  (BAM!! truck runs right into the deer)

there’s no price on it .. just this tag with a name .. see ? … is it sold already?

huh? oh… I don’t know ( no really? ya think? ) let’s find someone from lawn n garden to help you…

(right on! this guy has potential!)

sigh

plod plod plod

hi, I’m Lawna Garden can I help you?

yeah hi, I’m trying to run down some info on one of your returns in the display out front.

which one? (ok that one’s on me.. shoulda seen it coming)

the [instert brand]

oh that one!!

yeah is it sold or what?

oh no.. it just came in (cool.. that’s fresh grass n dust all over it then)

is it complete? runs ok? is it still under warranty?

oh yes it’s all there. it runs fine. yes it’s under warranty 2 yrs I think, and you can get it extended for a year if you want.

do you service ‘em here? on site?

oh yes we send them out for repair if there is a problem and replace it if we can’t fix it.

(send them out on site? that might make sense after a few beers … I’ll let it ride for now)

how much? what’s the discount? how much is the extended warranty?

oh it’s $xxx.xx… they can take care of you at customer service for the warranty. Here you go.

sigh

plod plod plod

Hi I’m Service Rep can I help you

Yep, I’m looking at one of the returned mowers on sale outside in the display. Here’s the tag for it. I got it from Lawna Garden.

which one?

(that didn’t just happen)

the [insert brand] (there’s a sharp pain in my head now)

oh that one.. that just came in

yeah here’s the tag, I’m told its complete, in running condition, has a 2 yr manufacturer’s warranty still and I can extend that another year.

that’s right

ok fine .. how much is the extra warranty?

lets see .. beepbeepboopbeepboop … what’s your phone number? ok .. that will be $xx.xx.

(christ I shoulda packed a lunch– what day is it now ?)

ok if I buy it can you get someone to load it for me? I have a bad back.

sure no problem

sigh

time passes – week 2

so far we have 2 missing parts which still haven’t been ordered and the manufacturers warranty is only 1 year instead of 2 (disappointing but not unexpected). The giant tool store seems to not be able to smoothly deal with part ordering and while the manufacturer is willing to send me the parts for a lot of extra money (its cheaper if you’re a distributor) I still haven’t even started the thing.

hell with it … I like tall grass

update: returned mower to giant tool store.

Followed up with the only guy that can allegedly order parts:

the parts STILL weren’t ordered,
he expected me to order them myself and failed to mention it
he has a wee bit of an attitude about even reimbursing me

I looked at my service agreement and decided I don’t want to go through this every time the mower needs service over the next 2 years.

Never even pulled the rope… wonder if it actually starts ….. enjoyed my chat with the giant tool store manager about my experiences and didn’t even yell.

is the search over ?

going into DAY 2 with the new internet provider here at the new house.

the previous trial with the 3G system went through several days of piss-poor customer service/tech support and while I saw a couple brief flashes of really good DL/UL speed, for the most part the turtle dial up modem would have won the race.

apparently the internet works better if you have a Laptop since it’s designed to be mobile.

that’s nearly word for word from one of the idiots who couldn’t close my account or connect me to a supervisor.

today I’m taking a break from yard maintenance to pack up the hardware in it’s handy lil box so I can ship it back.

Day 2 with the new satellite ISP is going ok so far. We’ve managed to get computer #2 up and running and the in-house wireless net is back on track. The office and staff didn’t make a very good first impression but the end product seems to live up to expectations. It’s not super DSL, but I can do multiple page loads and download files without things disconnecting or timing out. This is good. As a bonus, it turns out to be about 25 bucks a month cheaper too.

Why, you ask, did I go with the more expensive provider as a primary option? Uh, well, mostly because the previous occupants here had the satellite service and ‘hated it’. Dunno why. Their issues might stem from the electrical short in the wall behind the computer nook where everything plugs in.

The teenager comes home from gramma’s house today and with her computer in the loop we can test the bandwidth with 3 browsers. If the sat-isp can take that load we’ve got a winner I think.

moved ?

[Monday]

R

disconnect

reconnect

E

A

L

disconnect

[Tuesday]

reconnect

L

Y

disconnect

reconnect

error

reboot

reconnect

SL

disconnect

error

pissy hissy fit

restore

throw things

reboot

[Wednesday]

reinstall software

reconnect

OW

I called tech ’support’ and the maroon on the phone said .. “hmmm, normally that shouldn’t happen”

No shit.

I spent 45 min explaining to him that the whole purpose of tech support is to resolve issues that are outside the normal scope. Normal is when you read the quick start guide and don’t have to call tech support.

“Well sir, that never happens. What would you like me to do about it?”

If my luck holds he’ll get promoted to management ……………

alternate reality

nicest visit to a medical facility .. EVER…

Baylor All Saints in FT Worth ROCKS

It was enough of a change from what I’m accustomed to that I really don’t even know how to describe it.

I do know that my BP was 120/80 instead of 145/95 … funny how that happens.

stupid staff

Hey, I’m sorry I’m sick. I’m sorry there’s no cure. I’m sorry I have to go see the doctor. I’m sorry I have to get referrals for specialists all the time. I’m sorry about a lot of things.

I am NOT sorry you have a job. I am NOT sorry you get a paycheck. I am NOT sorry you have to buy your makeup at the HomeDepot paint counter. I am NOT sorry your pores are so big your ugly shows all the way from inside. I am NOT sorry your momma didn’t understand. I sure as hell will not be sorry when I come into the office and you have to actually DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, you stupid, condescending, lazy ass, arrogant, self-centered, conceited cum-sponge.

and I won’t lose a second of sleep over it when all you nationalized healthcare mutherfuckers get what you want, you stupid bastards.